Actual Signs Page 1

~*~
SIGNS OF THE TIMES
~ Actual signs as reported ~
~*~

Drive carefully,
we'll wait.

In the front yard
of a funeral home

On an electrician's truck

Let us remove
your shorts.

Outside a radiator repair shop

Best place in town
to take a leak.

In a non-smoking area...

If we see you smoking,
we will assume
you are on fire and
take appropriate action.

On a maternity room door...

Push, Push, Push.

On a front door

Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian...
except the dog.

If you don't see
what you're looking for,
you've come
to the right place.

At an optometrist's office

We really know
our stuff.

On a taxidermist's window

Let me meat
your needs.

On a butcher's window

Come in,
I knead the dough!

On a bakers shop

On a fence

Salesmen welcome.
Dog food is expensive.

At a car dealership ...

The best way to get
back on your feet...
~ miss a car payment ~

Outside a muffler shop

No appointment necessary.
We'll hear you coming.

Drop your pants here.

In a dry cleaner's emporium

We shoot every
3rd salesman,
and the 2nd one
just left.

On a desk in
a reception room

Be back in 5 minutes.
Sit! Stay!

In a veterinarian's
waiting room

Dye Now !

In a Beauty Shop

Don't stand there
and be hungry,
come in and get fed up.

In a restaurant window

Please be quiet.
We need to hear
a pin drop.

Inside a bowling alley

Shoes are required
to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat
any place they want.

In a cafeteria

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

HORSE MANURE:
$1 PER PRE-PACKED BAG
.25 CENTS DO-IT-YOURSELF

Outside a farm

PLEASE REMOVE
ALL YOUR CLOTHES
WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a laundry,
on each
washing machine

On a church door

THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN
~ ENTER YE BY THIS DOOR ~
(This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use the side door)

* SMARTS *
THE MOST EXCLUSIVE
DISCO IN TOWN.
EVERYONE WELCOME

Outside a disco

In a London office

AFTER TEA BREAK
STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN
ON THE DRAINING BOARD

In a cleaner's window

ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE
FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS
WILL BE DISPOSED OF

~ OUT TO LUNCH ~
IF NOT BACK BY FIVE,
OUT FOR DINNER ALSO

Outside a
photographer's studio

CLOSED
DUE TO ILLNESS

In a health food shop

In a farmer's field

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE,
BUT BE AWARE THAT
THE BULL CHARGES

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE
ON THE FIRST FLOOR

In a hotel during
a conference

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING
(Please knock hard on the door
the bell doesn't work)

On a repair shop door

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

In a safari park

In an office building washroom

TOILET OUT OF ORDER PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

On a bulletin board

The community chorus will begin Monday night
Rehearsals at 6 p.m.
We have a special need
for men's voices,
but all other parts are welcome.

In a bakery window next to Weight-Watchers Club

Note to Weight Watchers
All cake sales are confidential.

Sign for Diaper Service

BUM WRAPS

Sign facing
the waters edge
Lake Riley Minnesota

~ NO PARKING ~
FIRE LANE

Outside a drive shaft shop
and on their trucks

LET US GIVE YOU
THE SHAFT

Make sure you see all the ACTUAL SIGNS and MORE ACTUAL SIGNS
TWO	THREE	FOUR	FIVE	SIX	SEVEN

"WORDS"
Original by BeeGees
Sequencer Unknown