Actual Signs
~*~
~ MORE ~
SIGNS OF THE TIMES
~ Actual signs as reported ~
~*~

 
Thirty-eight  years
on the same spot
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners

 
In a Florida Parking Lot
STUPIDITY
IS NOT A HANDICAP.
Park elsewhere!

 
At a number of military bases
Restricted to Unauthorized Personnel

 
In a non-smoking area...
If you're smoking,
you'd better be on fire

 
In a funeral parlor
Ask about our layaway plan.

 
In the vestry of a
New England church
Will the last person to
leave please see that
the perpetual light is
extinguished.

 
If you can't read this,
it's time to wash your car.
In front of a New Hampshire car wash

 
No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted.
On a ski lift in
New Mexico

 
Let's see who can go downhill the fastest
A sign advertising a Company wide skiing race

 
Door Alarmed
Window frightened
Official sign near door
*
Hand printed sign nearby

 
At a "greasy spoon" restaurant
Women are not served here...
You have to bring your own.

 
In a restaurant
in England
Guys:
No shirt, No service
~*~ ~*~
Girls:
No shirt, No charge

 
Sign in King's Canyon in California
Slow Parking Ahead

 
RESTROOMS
~*~
Please wait for
hostess to seat you.
 Two signs found
on top of one another
in a country kitchen

 
Children left unattended will be towed at parents expense.
On a parking lot pole

 
Shoplifters will be beaten over the head with an organic carrot
In a health food store

 
Ask about our plans for owning your home
In the offices of
a loan company

 
We will sell gasoline
to anyone in a glass container
At a Santa Fe
gas station

 
Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices
and workmanship..
On a Maine shop

 
Good clean dancing
every night but Sunday
In a Los Angeles dance hall

 
In a clothing store
Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks

 
No children allowed
In a Florida maternity ward

 
Mental
Health Prevention
Center
In a New York
medical building

 
In a Pennsylvania cemetery
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any
but their own graves

 
Don't kill your wife.
Let our washing machine
do the dirty work.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store

 
In the window
of an Oregon store
Why go elsewhere
and be cheated
when you can come here?

 
Road sign seen on the island of Cyprus (translation of the Greek)
Caution:
Road Slippery from Grapejuice

 
~ No trespassing ~
without permission
On the grounds
of a public school

 
We dispense with accuracy
In a New York drugstore

 
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store
15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!

 
For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church
On a New York convalescent home

 
Our hardware runs
better without
WINDOWS!!!
An Ad for a
  BMW 328i convertible with the roof and all the windows down.

 
Trespassers
will be prosecuted to the
full extent of the law
~ Sisters of Mercy ~
On the wall of
a Baltimore estate

 
On a billboard
advertising a new restaurant in Rancho Cordova, California
Samari Sushi
a Rare Experience!

 
Outside the entrance
gate to a  cemetery
in the Town of
Tonawanda, NY
No Planting
Without Permission

 
A tow truck company..... sign says
~~
(a "hooker" is a nickname for tow trucks)
GIVE US A CALL
WE HAVE THE BEST HOOKERS AROUND

 
On the mirror of a beautician's station
I will curl up
and dye for you.

 
On a shopping mall
marquee
Archery Tournament
- Ears pierced -

 
On a Tennessee highway
When this sign is under water,
this road is impassable.

 
In a pet food store
~ WARNING ~
All dogs on premise are
tatooed or micro-chipped

 
SMILE
by now your picture
has been taken at least 2 times.
Please don't shoplift.
In a department store



 
 
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ACTUAL SIGNS and MORE ACTUAL SIGNS
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"Chances Are"
Sequenced by Redsal Unknown

  Revised... Constantly
Copyright © 2000 - 2011 Dennis Unfried

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